My Journey to Holistic Healing: Overcoming Emotional Trauma and Cystic Acne
JUNE 2022
“What is meat made of?” “A dead bird.” *becomes vegetarian*
These are the types of questions I was asking at just six years old. So, on some level, it’s safe to say that I’ve always been curious about health. And yes, the answer to that question really did make me become vegetarian.
When I was younger, I was constantly convinced that I was anemic. Looking back, I’m not sure why I thought this but it did spark an interest in my own health. (I later found out that I have what is called beta-thalassemia minor – smaller and fewer red blood cells. I didn’t really do anything with this information but maybe this explains the lower energy I experienced sometimes.)
In university, I was ecstatic to land a residence that had a kitchen. I cooked a ton, mostly salads and pasta dishes. When I would come home for the summers, I would find myself feeling insanely tired and losing way too much hair. Then I decided to actually go see my doctor about my suspected anemia and eventually started some intense iron supplements for it. This was the pattern for two years: cook at school, feel unlike myself in the summers. In third year, I realized the difference in my eating habits at school vs. home and decided to start cooking for myself year-round, and began to feel much better.
Pausing now on the food-front to mention the other major health concern of mine at this time: insanely debilitating period cramps. I’m talking lie-still-in-bed-all-day-have-to-miss-exams-throwing-up kind of cramps. There was even a time that I was taking my leftover wisdom teeth surgery T3 for the pain. The only thing my doctor had ever mentioned about my predicament was the birth control pill. My mum was never a fan of me going on it so I avoided it for as long as possible. In second year, after a particularly bad run with the cramps, I finally caved.
In the summer before fourth year, I was determined to get my vitamins and supplements in check so I went to see a Naturopath. I also wanted to wean off the birth control pill over the course of a few months and approach my period pain holistically. As I went to get my pill prescription renewed the month before school, the doctor asked me if I ever experienced headaches. I told her that I didn’t get traditional headaches but from time to time, one of my eyes would start blurring for about 40 mins (the same way your eye is stunned after taking a photo with flash). She told me that these were called aura migraines and that I definitely could not be on the pill anymore (combo of the pill and headaches can catalyze a clot). So, then and there, I stopped using the pill.
For the first few months of school, all was good; period pain was there but bearable and my skin was glowing. Exactly on November 24th, 2020, I started to notice sporadic breakouts all over my face. I thought they were annoying and presumed they were linked to me coming off of the pill but didn’t think about it beyond that. I started wearing multiple layers of foundation to class, and experimented with some chemical exfoliants which only irritated my skin more.
In April of 2020, I came home from university for the first COVID lockdown and my breakouts intensified. The acne started to form in large clusters and was extremely painful to touch. The sides of my face were fully covered, as well as a large part of my jawline and my entire forehead. I hated looking in the mirror because I didn’t recognize myself. Pre-pill, I rarely broke out. If I did, it would be one at a time and clear in two days at most.
My skin then (April of 2020 - honestly not entirely sure for how long it was peak red/super flared up and painful like this, maybe about a year until I started following @noyskincare’s method of oil cleansing which I mention below)
It wasn’t until I tried celery juice and meditation that made me realize that maybe the root cause of my acne wasn’t topical. There seems to be a big divide when it comes to celery juice - people either love it or hate it. What that has taught me is that if it works for you, it works for you. Well, it worked for me! In fact, it was the first thing that actually helped calm down the sides of my face. I remember the exact day I was able to feel my skin again instead of only the breakouts; the celery juice had begun to support my liver in clearing out the excess estrogen leftover from the pill (I knew this because those areas of my face corresponded to the liver). As for meditation, I was drawn to it at a particularly tumultuous time when I started having anxiety attacks and things were quite chaotic at home. I started with one minute, then two, and eventually worked my way up to meditations on the Melissa Wood Health app. While I didn’t start this with my skin in mind, I noticed that my skin would look less red on the days I meditated. I kept on with these things at a basic level for about a year.
Looking back, I can absolutely see how my skin was reflective of my internal state. There was a lot going on in my life personally and my stress was through the roof - I was always operating in fight or flight. After incorporating the celery juice and meditation, I couldn’t understand why me - someone who was eating so well - was still intensely breaking out when a lot of my friends had seemingly perfect skin and very different diets. I can now see how it was more about my thoughts, my environment, and my stress. In my peak home stress, I remember not wanting to go to bed because I didn’t want to wake up the next day, I remember feeling like I was in a hole with zero energy to socialize, and there were even weeks where I wouldn’t go outside at all. This was one of the hardest times of my life. I now feel so compassionate for my younger self who did the best she could with what she had. I now understand that the acne was my body’s way of signalling to me what was going on internally, for which I am immensely grateful. In August of 2020, I also began to experience some gut struggles with intense bloating. Similarly, I see how this was triggered by stress in my environment. In November of 2020, I started therapy. This has been another extremely useful emotional-release tool that has helped heal me from the inside out.
In December of 2020, I made the decision to stop drinking alcohol. This came after an especially rough time where I was in deep hibernation mode. On Christmas Eve, I got together with some friends - it was my idea to drink and I ended up drinking a lot. While it felt fun in the moment, in hindsight, it was a pure escape from my family life and it was the first ‘fun’ thing I had experienced in a while after being at home. Throughout the beginning of quarantine, I similarly drank regularly for no real reason. I also noticed that when I was drunk, I would spill my life story to people who did not need to know and was really not a fan of how emotionally volatile I would get. My acne would also flare up pretty much immediately after drinking. I’ve passed two years alcohol-free and am certain it was the best choice for me.
By now, I understood that skin health overwhelmingly came from internal health. Having said that, I still wanted to be extremely intentional with my topicals. At some point, I discovered my now-favourite aesthetician, Danna Omari of @noyskincare, and in April of 2021, I started following her oil cleansing method using Living Libations Best Skin Ever Seabuckthorn and have never looked back. In fact, most of what I know about skin health has largely been influenced by her. As my skin calmed, I was able to re-introduce Gua Sha into my routine, as well as start facial reflexology. Don’t get me wrong, a few months of these practices was not enough to completely repair my skin and I definitely still had acne. But, it was consistently less enraged and less painful to touch, which is when I really trusted that my skin was taking to these tools, along with the continued juicing and meditating.
Mid-summer of 2021, I went on a trip to Vancouver with my university friends and ended up living alone there for a month. Leading up to the trip, I was extremely nervous at the thought of my routine being thrown off, so much so that I was debating whether or not I should even go. I thought that I needed all of my external things - juices, smoothies, specific foods - in order to keep my skin at bay. As it turned out, this trip was one of the most life changing opportunities for me. I was able to finally let go a bit and for the first time in my life, realize that I actually DON’T run angry automatically (I used to think that waking up angry and anxious was my natural state). This is where my true healing began.
Some of my favourite moments from Vancouver
The few months right after Vancouver were up there as some of the most difficult times of my life. The family drama really took a toll on me once again. But, I knew that there was a better way to feel which I had discovered in Vancouver when I started to form consistent routines that I loved (movement, healthy eating, meditation, socializing). In November of 2021, I decided to at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN). Around this time, I also started to get into personal growth and healing-trauma work. I discovered Jay Shetty and Ed Mylett and began listening and reading. I also started meditating with this app called Superhuman. By December, I started to feel a little bit better.
January/February of 2022 is when I started getting into ‘future self’ work and really considering how I can control the trajectory of my life. Although I no longer meditate with Superhuman, I credit it for prompting me to start thinking in this way. By this point, I also properly understood the impact of meditation on the skin and the power of our thoughts in creating physical results. In February, I stumbled upon Gabby Bernstein. I bought her book, Happy Days, and attended an online event that she had. Her work has been transformational in my healing. (Note: I thought all the personal growth and mindset stuff was cliché AF until I needed it. But, hey - if it works, it works!)
In April of 2022, I did Gabby’s 21-day meditation challenge and really started to feel different; lighter, more even-keeled, happier, more eager to socialize, and all-around better. A pivotal moment in my meditations and workouts was when I realized that they are opportunities to release negative, stale, and stagnant energy. When I do this, my skin is clearer, I FEEL better (kind of more whole), and the practices become SO much more effective. Now, more than ever, I am passionate about my role as a holistic health coach. I intend to help other people realize their innate ability to heal, and discover the root causes (rather than symptoms) to allow for material change.
My skin now, without makeup (Mar/Apr of 2023)
That brings me to where I’m at now: obsessed with my routines, moving my body and strengthening my mind daily, loving my skin, regularly Gua Sha-ing, drinking my green drinks, and still engaging with all of the people who first helped me heal. I’m by no means saying that I’m fully healed, but, John Mayer has a line in one of his songs that deeply resonates with me: “I’m in repair…I’m not together, but I’m getting there.”
Here are some of my key takeaways:
1) When your body talks, LISTEN TO IT. I used to think that having a sensitive body was frustrating but now I think it’s a huge blessing that my body is communicative (“listen to your body’s whispers so you don’t have to hear its screams”).
2) Health is DEEPLY EMOTIONAL. Your thoughts and mindset are as important as what you eat and drink, if not more so. This is something I continue to learn every day.
3) Sometimes the things that scare you can be the best for you. It’s so much easier to stay comfortable and never change, but going to Vancouver, enrolling in my program, and doing the work have changed my life.
If you’ve made it to the end, well, then, thank you. I promise this will be my longest blog post on the site – really felt like my entire story needed to be out there.
That’s all for now!
- Pri